[08 Feb 2006|05:49pm] coming undone today. i think i really need to get out of here because i'm losing my passion for anything and am suddenly content to spend the day in bed. i miss interacting with people and being excited about things. i don't know if i can handle another year here, like this. something has to change and i have to figure it out. 3 / umbrellas!

[04 Feb 2006|09:25am] it's early. i never update anymore but i'm still here. two short stories completed, edited and submitted. my goal is to compile ten this year and submit all of them/possibly submit them as a collection, but neither of the two that i've been working on count toward that goal because i wrote them both last year. three of the fifty books that i promised myself i'd read this year are done. i've been working a lot and blowing my money on nice clothes that i could never afford before. i don't feel too bad about it. how are YOU? 6 / umbrellas!

[06 Dec 2005|12:01pm] Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In January I helped ___altruism hide a body (-173 points). In February I caught a purse-snatcher who stole lippincott's purse (30 points). Last Thursday I gave change to a homeless guy (19 points). Last Sunday I punched sarcasmsoup in the arm (-10 points). In September I set some_nights's puppy on fire (-66 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-200 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking! Sincerely, effloresces Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username: dirty. 6 / umbrellas!

[27 Nov 2005|02:49pm] [ music | well, i don't believe in an interventionist god. ] the people that make up your family history are slowly taken away, one by one by one by one. 2 / umbrellas!

[06 Nov 2005|01:51pm] [ music | pressing questions. ] why did jennifer love hewitt play audrey hepburn in a movie about her life? i mean, her of all people, why? and what is an 18-hour bra, exactly? what happens after 18 hours? i never got that. does it evaporate or something? pop off in a fit of exhaustion? then there are 24-hour bras and i don't get those either. ashlee simpson stole my boyfriend. 9 / umbrellas!

READ IT IT'S FUNNY! [31 Oct 2005|12:14pm] Thursday, June 16, 2005 Music Critics are Stupid and Pointless Music critics are second only to DJs in terms of being deluded and pretentious about their worthless occupation. Whenever I want to be consumed with misery and loathing, I just surf over to Pitchfork or pick up a copy of the latest Magnet, and peruse all the ink wasted by talentless dildos who have been given a forum into which they can inject their unqualified and asinine opinions. You know that old saying that goes, "Those who can't do, teach"? It should actually read, "Those who can't do, write long-winded and self-indulgent criticism of a topic on which they have no education, from an undeserved perspective of superiority and righteousness". If most music critics were as enlightened as their writing implies, they would have to be living with unicorns and elven fairies on some Shangri-La-esque plane of existence where their every thought is worshipped in song because it is a bright golden light of pure magical beauty. But no, the reality is most critcs are bitter, jaded assholes with a drug problem and a father complex, sitting in some shitty studio apartment cluttered with old T. Rex vinyl and empty Starbucks cups. An excerpt from an actual Pitchfork review, chosen at random: Back when he was Five, Ben Folds made punk rock for wussies. With a goofy drawl and sloppy piano-fisting (SFW, natch), Folds alternately threw stones and built glass houses. He'd mock a too-cool coterie of nose-ringed goths and closeted ex-Cure fans (ah, those innocent pre-Killers 1990s!), then let his guard down for ballads about heartbreak and, yes, the abortion that hurtled the Five through fame's window like a post-Final Four student rioter's "Brick". His hipster-baiting, sincerity and modest fame guaranteed a few nasty reviews, sure. Still, Folds challenged cred-consciousness before crying "rockist!" was OTM. Wussy, yes, but worthy. I'll give $5 to the first person who can tell me what this idiot is talking about. Other than amusing himself with his hilarious little snark puns and masturbatory inside jokes, this entire paragraph tells me nothing about the music of Ben Folds, and whether or not I might like it. This is 100 words of wasted time. What the fuck is OTM? Is the editor allowing this person to just make up abbreviated phrases? The problem is 99.9% of rock criticism is in service of neither the music, nor the fans who might want to listen to it. It's just a string of buzzwords, obscure references and less-than-subtle name/place-dropping that the writer thinks will give themselves credibility and/or makes them look cool. And the sad thing is, whether or not they choose to admit it, people buy this shit, thereby allowing any rock critic with an ego and a thesaurus to dictate their culture to them. The people who buy the rock critic bullshit are easy to identify. They're the same people who are mortally afraid of your finding out about a cool new band before they do*. The same people who say shit like, "Yeah, that Killers show was pretty good, but you should have seen them back when they played (insert "tiny, totally-intimate and awesome" club here). The same people who think listening to music is some kind of fierce competition. In other words, jackasses. Music, like most things that are completely subjective, doesn't really need criticism. Everybody is going to hear something different. Why can't magazines just publish lists of music they reccomend, and music they don't? Leave it up to the reader to go find out why. Listening to some asshole babble on for four-hundred words about "angular guitars" and "neo-folk-pschadelic- hardcore-disco-dance-glam-punk" that is derivative of "early-era-Cars" doesn't really mean shit to me and isn't going to have much of an influence on whether or not I'm going to check out the record. Ratings are fine, its the pointless sharing of pompous opinion that I find unnecessary. Unless it's mine, of course. *A fun game to play with these people is making up a band name, and asking them if they've heard about them, like, "Dude, have you heard The Paperweights? They're amazing." They'll either 1) lie and say they have, or 2) get all uncomfortable and leave suddenly, presumably going straight to Limewire to immediately educate themselves on this "new band" so they don't lose any more face. Either way, it's hilarious. When making up the band names, I find it's best to simply use the word "The", followed by a plural noun. posted by Alex Blagg | 6/16/2005 thank you, blaggblogg. 3 / umbrellas!

[30 Oct 2005|12:06pm] [ music | breaking bonaduce. this shit is bananas. ] i'm not dead. things are okay and i have a job interview next friday. i finished "calliope songs" (working title) which is, as it stands now, a short story/borderline novella (8,000 words or so & i'd rather it be published as a novella if it's ever published at all). i actually feel a little proud of it. i'm going to prepare it for submission this week and get it out by next friday (to a literary agent in manhattan because i'm tired of sifting through publishing houses and their petty individual requirements and waiting six months to get a rejection slip or no response at all). if she can help me out, i would welcome it, depending on wether or not she's in my price range. she doesn't charge a reading fee per submission so it's worth a couple of stamps anyway. so who wants to give me a credit card since no company will approve me? i only want to buy designer clothes and a grand piano. i promise. 1 / umbrellas!

[12 Oct 2005|05:36pm] i'm writing again. 3 / umbrellas!

[30 Sep 2005|12:59pm] my submissions are officially postmarked/out by their respective deadlines and i'm still looking for a job. i'm dull and everything that i put in here comes out as a complaint. how are you? 7 / umbrellas!

[27 Sep 2005|03:22pm] i still don't know what to say so talk to me. also show me cool pictures. 10 / umbrellas!

[15 Sep 2005|12:31pm] [ music | ryan adams. ] hello. things at home are getting consistently harder & i'm not entirely certain if that's what's blocking my "creative flow of energy" bullshit or not. i'll be happy to be out doing things in the next couple of months (buffalo, boston, friends) but the days are just dragging right now. i want to get my acoustic and begin practicing with it, i want to master french, and i want to get a job. so it's application hunting this weekend and then god knows what. the third novel is in the back of my mind but the ideas aren't materializing. i feel completely stagnant & i'm hoping that a change of pace will be what i need to break out of this. 4 / umbrellas!

[14 Sep 2005|01:05pm] sarah: i like minkkkk sarah: AHAH MINK sarah: mint sarah: lawl>:o teacupped: hahaha mink. teacupped: mink coats. teacupped: peta would eat you for breakfast. sarah: hahahahaha sarah: they couldn't! sarah: i'm a living thing sarah: what are they called? mamals sarah: ah yes sarah: they'd get sued teacupped: HAHAHAHA "what are they called?" teacupped: "what am i again?" sarah: hahha sarah: "what species am i?" sarah: "homo se..xual?" teacupped: HAHAHAHA teacupped: that's not a SPECIES teacupped: AHAHAHAHA sarah: OH YEAH sarah: HAHAHHA sarah: FUCK sarah: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH sarah: MY B sarah: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA more fun with instant messenger. teacupped: okay, that's going in the livejournal. sarah: hahah FUCK YOU 1 / umbrellas!

[13 Sep 2005|11:08am] [ music | the smiths playing in my head. ] in reference to ticketmaster being slow in shipping my tickets: teacupped: so are they seriously going to have printed them out in august and then sit them around until a week before the show in november and then mail them to me? brian: sure teacupped: WHY? brian: i dunno let me ask brian: brb brian: k back brian: they said "tell tiff to die and we arent sending anything" brian: wow brian: theyre mean teacupped: hahaha! brian: geez the guy almost hit me in the face when i said hi brian: :-( teacupped: ahahahahahaha brian: stop laughing. im hurt emotionally. :-( 7 / umbrellas!

[11 Sep 2005|09:52am] [ music | cake. ] this morning i had to remind myself that this was NOT a place for whining about personal problems and getting sympathy. flea market? anyone? 5 / umbrellas!

[10 Sep 2005|11:07am] [ music | sipping coffee. ] to do/done list for today: +get up. +pee. +make breakfast. +eat breakfast. +show my father my guinea pig's swollen foot. +get paid. +ship packages. +take a shower. +get myself ready to go out. +go out and enjoy myself. +return home. +have my father check stephanie's boyfriend's car because there's something wrong with it. +sit here. +go to bed. really productive, right? right. P.S. yesterday i got my first ticket! i don't know how much it will be, but i'm broke, so if anyone cares to make any donations to my cause, i'm open to them! 1 / umbrellas!

[09 Sep 2005|02:03pm] [ music | cat power. ] the subject line of my last spam e mail - Experts are jumping al| Over this st0ck porky what? 1 / umbrellas!

[08 Sep 2005|06:48pm] [ music | bjork. ] "i can't imagine how you function internally. you're so little and compact. i bet your heart is the size of my fingertip. how does everything have room to move in there?" umbrellas!

[08 Sep 2005|02:46pm] [ music | passions. ] it's funny how determined people can exist pretty much anywhere under pretty much any circumstance. home doesn't even have to feel like home. 4 / umbrellas!

[07 Sep 2005|10:49pm] test entry 2 / umbrellas!

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